This will probably be my last "Weighing In" post, and I'm absolutely THRILLED about it. Explanation, briefly: For 15 years of my life, I struggling with disordered eating patterns — everything from binge eating to anorexia to bulimia. My weight's been up and down (size 2 to a 22, no lie), and I spent years in counseling, and eventually, I was finally able to have a normal relationship with food and a normal body image. I embraced my pregnancy and all the lumps and bumps that went with it, even under the watchful eye of my midwives, who knew it was possible that I could slip back into old habits as my girth increased. But in all my waddling glory, I was able to refer to my new shape as my "dream body".
Cut to Weight Watchers.
I have no problem with it. It's a fantastic program and I had amazing outcomes and learned so much, and for millions of people it has been and will continue to be a life-saver. But a few months ago when I had to cut back to 20 points, things started to change for the worse. I started obsessing over everything and pretty soon I found myself on a slippery slope of food paranoia and fear. I won't get into all the gory details, but suffice it to say, I started to get scared.
And to make matters worse, the commitment I made to writing about it made me feel all the more guilty and pressured to stay on the program, even against my better judgment.
But you know what? It's unacceptable.
I have a family to take care of. A beautiful little girl to raise to be a healthy, well-adjusted, confident young lady. I can't waste any more energy on freaking out about food and my body.
So I quit. No way am I walking back into that place. I hung up my affiliation with Weight Watchers today, canceled my membership, and deleted the app from my iPod.
Because for me, I have to be careful not to get overly confident. Like a former alcoholic walking into a bar, maybe a weight loss plan will never really be a great idea for me.
And I'm totally fine with that. Because what could compete with this anyway?